The Finance Blogger

We have all heard of two adults getting divorced and fighting over the kids. They make it sound like they want the best for the lids but is that really true? Who has access , when they have access and who can decide. Divorce and the Kids is a huge issue for all families. This is a battle that gets fought out in court. Often in family court, in front of friends and family sometimes and sometimes even in front of the kids.

It is a shame when one parent will use the children as bait, as revenge, as negotiation tools in a divorce. It has gotten ugly and not to mention expensive. Any time there is a fight you can be sure that the lawyers are involved and getting paid. This is another subject. We will not dwell on it here since the real subject is all about the kids!

Depending on the age of the children when a divorce occurs there can be various impacts that are hard to predict. Young children may not be impacted much, if the separation is amicable. However if there is a continuous fight between the parents, there will always be anxiety and self blame. This can increase as the kids get older when divorce occurs. They may even blame themselves for the divorce and suffer greatly as a result. Fighting over custody only makes it worse as well since this can re-enforce their anxiety about the divorce and the blame that they in turn take on.

Divorce and the Kids – They Did not Want the Kids to Suffer

Most parents would say that they never wanted the kids to suffer, however before they know it they are in the middle of a big fight with their spouse, the gloves come off and there is a huge fight. Everything at that point becomes a question of honor of winning over the other and it includes gaining custody of the kids as well. It really is a shame, but this is reality. If only people could decide to set their fight aside, divide assets fairly and treat the other spouse with respect, everything would be better.

We are not saying that you can prevent divorce, but you can do a better job of breaking up in order to protect the children when there is a divorce. Many spouse are looking for revenge, they have been embarrassed, they have been betrayed and some feel that they have been made fools off. If you are going to fool around, why not get divorced first. Otherwise you are going to trigger the emotions mentioned above and this brings on a war when it comes to divorce court.

Amicable Separations

One couple we know agreed to get divorced amicably and are friends to this day. They decide to put the kids first and to separate before either one of them had an affair. Since the separation, they both have had relationships. In fact the husband has been married twice and had to separate again. Through it all they both put the kids first. They made sure that they treated each other with respect in front of the kids as well as privately.

We think these kids are very well adjusted. They may be a bit spoiled, since there is some competition as there always is between parents. But overall this is pretty normal. It takes a lot of control as well as maturity for both parents to act in this manner. But we think it stems from showing each other respect in the first place and not betraying each other behind their backs. Just our opinion but they seem to make it work.

Send Your Comments

We would love to have comments on this blog about how you made separation work for you and your children. Yes we want comments from children as well who have a totally differently outlook on the impacts of their parents divorce on them as well. Feel free to leave multiple comments. Spam comments will be deleted.

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