The Finance Blogger


Divorce & Second Marriages

Divorce & Second MarriagesThere are all kinds of issues associated with getting married for the second or even the third time. We are going to focus on some of the legal and financial issues, touch on the emotional ones and stay away from the conflict that often occurs among former spouses and even the kids. These are important issues, however they are just not the focus of this blog.

More than 50 % of marriages will end up in divorce and so it has become pretty common for spouses to remarry a second or third time. The situation is complex enough between two people who are divorcing and then there is a 3rd person added to the mix. With children involved, the situation is much worse and much more complex.

We are not lawyers and we write these blogs from a common sense perspective with a lot of history and knowledge gained through life experiences.  If you have legal concerns, want to get a divorce or separation , we strongly suggest that you contact a local lawyer to begin working out your issues and division of assets.

Divorce & Second Marriages – Dealing with Assets

Divorce is emotionally draining for both parties even under the best of circumstances. Some parties can act in a mature way, divide up the assets and move on in their lives without getting into fights or contests over the assets and of course the kids. Some will even remain friends afterwords, however they just cannot live together.

The Lawyers

This is an emotional time for everyone concerned, you and your spouse, the kids, your parents and the girlfriend or boyfriend if there happens to be one. Some people will be hurt, others angry, some will be so mad they want to take out all of their vengeance on their soon to be ex spouse, taking them for everything they can.

Lawyers are their to help you make sure everything is completed in a legal manner, however some are aggressive and antagonistic and really just feed on the process. Their objective is to make as much money as possible and if you are at war with your ex-spouse, you are just playing into their wallets.

While it is easy to write this, it is much more difficult to follow this advice. The best approach by far is to come to an amicable agreement between you and your spouse, document it and then take it to the lawyers to make it legal so that it will stand up in court! Unfortunately, many people in the heat of emotional and anger want to punish their spouse. Some are just plain cheap and do not want to provide support for the kids. These are very hard  people, who do not trust their ex-spouse and do not want to support their spouse.

Take a breath, negotiate fairly and work things out. Every hour the lawyer spends on your case, he or she is charging for at somewhere between $100 to $200 per hour or even more. If you both have lawyers, the cost can be incredible if the negotiations go on for an extended period of time. I have a friend who went through this. He wanted to everything in a fair way and would not take his lawyer to the negotiations. His lawyer was upset, because it meant that he could not bill for the time spent negotiating the agreements!

Divorce

Make it legal, make sure it gets filed so that you are protected and it is clear to all concerned what the agreement is for your divorce in terms of support and access to the kids if there are kids. Also the splitting of assets is important so use your lawyer to make sure everything is properly documented. Avoid being greedy or being vengeful. This will just cost you more money in terms of legal fees and end up costing your more money than what you might have saved.

Separation While Continuing to Live together in the Same Home

We know of several couples who are living in this situation. The wife is living upstairs with the kids, while the father is in the basement were the kids come to visit.  In some ways there is a practical advantage to doing it this way. The cost is kept under control since you are still only paying for one home, one set of utilities etc, however how tough can this be on the emotions of everyone?

This is really not my idea of a good time. Get through the legal separation as fast as possible with a fair and equitable arrangement so that you do not have to endure this close living situation while going through the process of separation.

While you are in this situation, remain civil, avoid confrontation and document everything. What ever occurs in the home could and will be used against you in court or family law court. If you are trying to arrange a fair and equitable split, yet you are fighting all of the time, one of you might claim mental abuse or worse.  This is just not a positive climate and if the marriage cannot be repaired, move on as quickly as possible to avoid the situation from going from bad to worse.

These are just some of the common sense things to consider in a separation or divorce situation. Easy to say, very difficult to do and follow-up on in real life. At least from reading this post you will have some idea of what can do to make it better and make the transition easier. If you have comments on this post or your own ideas about this difficult situation, feel free to leave a comment. Spam comments will be erased.

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One Response to “Divorce & Second Marriages”

  1. a friend of mind is going through his 3rd divorce. he is broke and lonely. what a sad life he is having. i feel sorry for him but then he is his own worst enemy. he fools around all of the time, he even made a pass at me his best friend.

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